Kinda Unbelievable

The stupid Texas State financial aid and scholarships office just called me to let me know I was declined. They said a letter is coming in the mail but since there is such a short window for me to appeal again, and because it was a 3rd level appeal and the next is my 4th, the lady wanted to call and let me know over the phone.

Well lady it wasn't a 3rd level appeal it was my 2nd, and I don't appreciate you being a bitch to me when I told you that. Also I don't appreciate that when you heard me starting to cry on the phone you hung up on me, and I try to restrain myself from using such profanity on the internet but, Fuck You and Fuck You Texas State. This school is a joke I should have gone to a better college, maybe then I would have been motivated enough to complete on time and also would have had a better college experience. Once again, Fuck You.

I'm gonna go cry some more, and then I guess decide what I'm going to do with my life since I can't finish my very last requirement for my degree.

Issues

So I'm having some issues lately, hence the title. These issues are mostly the same that I always have: not enough money, procrastinating with school, staying up too late, time management issues, and being a fatty. These are my issues... but lately I've been kind of panicky about my internship, this is the main issue of the moment. How is it I can't get people to hire me to work for free?? The saddest part is they are only looking at my resume, my transcript is a million times worse. I don't have a way to convince people that I am important enough of a person to do free labor. Its ridiculous!

I'm also having an issue with moving back in with my mom. Not because I think it is below me or anything, please I'll be taking hand outs till the day I die, but she doesn't have anything to hand out. I know that because she is my mom she will let me live with her no matter what... but she can't even pay her rent for the summer and is trying to get Meggie to move in for June because they are putting her on lithium (most likely). Sure I'll get a part time job and intern somewhere, most likely for Caitlin's mom (which I am very grateful for the offer) but I feel like after that I am going to be stuck in Paris working at Bealls for the rest of forever because people won't even hire me to work for free.
This brings up another issue that I don't even like entertainging the thought of... Staying in San Marcos and letting the internship coordnator place me. Various members of my fam are telling me to do this and all I want to do is throw a temper tantrum and say BUT I DON'T WANNA....I WANNA BE WITH MY FRIENDS!!! I feel like if I stay down here I am going to be stuck here, and in July I won't even have a "here" our lease goes up and my dad is being a big ass and isn't helping me out ( I told you... I take the hand outs) But I can stay with meggie for 3 weeks until my internship is over and then hopefully by that time dad will be done with litigation and then I can do what I want (ideally) or I can continue to squat at Meggie's or go ahead and go up to Mom's go from there. Which I have been told would be better for her because she be getting paid again in the Fall. This is the first time i've actually thought this all out, even though it has be told to me many times... I just never listen. It seems a little bit more logical, just not what I want. . . at all.
I just don't know, but I have to figure out by Wednesday, because if I am going to let the coordnators place me I should have told them like 3 weeks ago.
buh.


side note: I just watched some Grey's Anatomy and I decided my perfect man is both Karev and O'Malley. Yup and Alex O'Malley... does he exist, probs not.

my life. my life. living my life

So I was thinking maybe I should write a blog. I don't do it very often and I can't fall asleep.

I can't seem to do anything else either. I somehow got more than half of my cut outs done for my design project that is due on Tuesday... but I am still waaaay behind.
I also didn't study this weekend AT ALL for my cult anth. test tomorrow, and earlier this evening I panicked because I remembered that this semester I HAVE to do good.. you know so I can graduate, I started thinking about how I am on contract with the dean's office and I was wondering what is going to happen if I don't get my gpa up. Just typing that out gives me a slight panic feeling.
So then why do I put everything off? I know I have to do good! I just never do anything to make it happen. Oye, my scolastic life is truly a paradigm that I will never understand.

Other news:
I'm not going to get the Susan G. Komen internship. Thanks to my great internship coordaitor that didn't feel it a neccesity to tell me about the application deadline, which I missed by a week.
I'm thinking I am going to redo my application and submit it for fall though, only if I can secure my finances.. since it doesn't pay.
I'm looking down other avenues for internships now, I called the Dallas Children's Advocacy Center and I emailed the Dallas office of Cultural Arts, but I haven't heard anything back yet.. If I don't get a response by Thursday I will be emailing them again. I'm also going to email Bridal Associates of DFW, a TXstate sociology intern worked there and was offered a full time job after so maybe she'll get me the hook-up.
I'm also super happy that if something falls through Caitlin's mom said I could intern for Rhythem Junkies. So at least I know I'll have an internship if all else fails!

Since I know that I will have one in Dallas for sure I started looking at apartments and I found THE ONE. I love it and I'm thinking the last weekend in April I am going to head up to D-town to check it out. I'll need to get the lease signed pretty quick because I decided I want to move before Caitlin's bridal shower, so I'm thinking May 20th or 21st will be my move-in day!! Its been 4-ish years, but I'm finally coming home!

more news:
I'm still fat. I had to stop weight watchers because I am broke, and I'm pretty sure I've gained back a lot of weight, maybe not all of it but I'm pretty much not happy about the situation. C-sta's wedding is June 21st and I need to loose like 30 pounds to be happy with myself, and I've got to loose 25 before I order my dress... how will this happen.. none can say.

Now I need to get some sleep because my test tomorrow looks to be a brutal one. Maybe I should just skip it and take the make-up test after the final? Its risky but I'm kind of thinking that's what I should do. Yeah I'm thinking I should do that... I've got to get a good grade in that class, and I've been doing the extra credit to replace my lowest test grade, but if I have two failing tests then that isn't going to be so great.
gah, why do I make my life so hard?

lost it.

I have lost all motivation to do anything. I've crashed on all major circuits and am burned out completely. aaaaaaaaaaaargh.

Circuit meltdowns include but are not limited too:

attempting to keep house clean

keeping up in some of my classes

working out

eating right

going to classes

general responsibility's

The thing is with 4 out of the 6 stated I am still trying, but old Kasey just wants to sleep.

Anyway, I made a 100 on my math test ='s amazing.

I'm going to get diet pills that make you loose 20 pounds in one month.

It's sad Woman-Time... you know.

Too Stressed.

College of Liberal Arts does not have me on the commencement program draft :(

I have to get a job.


wargh is me




let's just dance it out...

Jesus is my boyfriend.

So far this week is pretty pretty good. It got off to a rough start on Sunday, I had some kind of stomach bug all day. Listen to me though, it was terrible!! Pooping and vomiting at the same time is the most horrible thing ever. I usually enjoy a good poop, but man it was terrible. And don't read that and be all... ugh this girl is gross, You know you love a good poop too even if you don't admit it. Poops can be therapeutic, and even an escape from a hectic day. You get home from a hectic day and go to the quiet sanctuary of your bathroom and just let it all out. Also don't be freaked about pooping at work, you are getting paid to poop and my friend that is pretty awesome.

Anyway so Sunday sucked but Monday and Tuesday have been pretty chill. I've gone to all my classes this week so far (I know its only been two days so far but if you know me you know that is almost like some kind of record). I've also got a clean kitchen! It is so awesome, there aren't dishes everywhere, the counters are shiny, and it doesn't smell like cat poop (which is not a good kind of poop). The living room isn't looking that bad either. Its like the stars have aligned to create some kind of awesome clean house for me, and I didn't even need Niecy Nash! Although if she showed up at my house that would be AMAZING. We would just talk trash all day with big flowers in our hair, and you know have a yard sale.

Oh and today the giant blister ripped on my foot, which was gross but at least it is gone! But probably the best part of today was getting my Myers-Briggs test results back. It didn't say anything that was news to me, but there was one hilarious item. At the back of the test it had a list of jobs that my personality type peeps do not like, but it suggested that maybe I would like them. The first on I saw that jumped out of the page and slapped me in the face was "Supervisor of weapons specialist". Holy shit that's amazing! I mean can't you just see it? Me, the boss of a group of weapons specialist. I would lead them into a battle of full out whoop ass, no can necessary because would be too much to contain. oh man, that is just... no words.

For real though the test did tell me things that I already know, so all in all it really didn't help me narrow down in possible professions. The confusion still lingers.

In other news my now long-term boyfriend Dan Auerbach in coming out with a solo cd this month. It sounds great! BF plays a mean guitar and has a voice like buuuuuuuttta', i heart...

yeah yeah so he has a Jesus beard going on right now, who cares!? Not me!

anyway I'm going to go to sleep now, that way I can officially say I went to bed before midnight tonight.

km

pAAArty people

what up?



Clearly I always forget about blogger. I should start blogging more, I know you all love it. Even though I am the only follower to my own blog. I don't know how that happened and that's pretty saddies.



let's see, let's see, let's see...

What is going on with me?

WELL, I'm in my last semester of school!! Kind of... I'm in my last semester of classes, and then in the summer I will do an internship and then THAT'S IT! HEY I've got an idea... help me find my internship! YES YOU, you can do it. Decide what I should do with my life, cause I have no idea. But I do know this, if I can't find a job after college I'm not moving back in with my mom. Cause I'm going to move here....

This is the lake house that my dad is thinking about buying!!! Isn't it awesome! I love, and its a pretty good place to hold up in if you are jobless.

Besides school stuff and nightmares of not getting a job, I just got back from spending a month at my mom's in good'ole Paris, tx. When I wasn't hanging with besties from Rowlett I just sat around at the house bored. I also spent some time in Atlanta,tx visiting my sister and her husband. They just moved into my grandparents house and are now the young equivalents of the Gilmore's. That was boring too, but one totally sweet thing did come back with me from my Christmas adventures and that is... A BRAND NEW CAR! (as to be read like the announcer from the price is right). I got a 2008 Hyundai Santa Fe. It is pretty amazing and I can't believe my dad really got it for me. It was a nice way to bring in the new semester.

I guess that is all that is going on with my life for now..

Oh if you are wondering about my weight loss efforts they are still in progress. Somehow I managed not to gain any weight at my mom's, but I didn't lose any either. I did drop some inches though. Since I've gotten back to San Marcos I've lost 4 pounds and that puts me at a total of 24 pounds lost since October. Not where I wanted to be right now, but definitely better than where I was.

mid-afternoon blogging

So I don't think I had any blog posts in November, how lame of me.
Times have been super busy, since I am actually acting like a student this semester, I say acting cause I don't feel like I am learning anything. In fact, I was thinking about it last night when I was giving myself a mini-manicure, but I don't think I have learned anything in college. Wait no..
I have learned how to become an excellent liar, and how to get out of doing any real work. I may actually be the laziest person you know. But what you don't know is it takes quite a bit of work to be as sneaky as I have been over the past ummmm, 6 1/2 years of college. Lots of procrastinating and late-night panic attacks have given me a keen sense of how much responsibility I have, and how much of it I actually have to live up to. Surprisingly not a lot. People are pretty satisfied with the bare-minimum. Sign of the times I guess.

that was random.

anywho, I totaly have lost 15 pounds since the begining of October. Fucking-sweet, right?! I am trying really hard to loose 5 pounds this week If I do then that will be 20 pounds in two months. but I have a feeling it will be more like 3 this week and that's not bad either though. Before I leave for christmas break I mos'def want to pass that 20 pound mark. Hopefully when I get back around January 8th-16thish I will be close to the 25-30 pound range!!!
I want to loose 40pounds by my birthday. It's totally possible if I stop being lazy.

ooooh San Marcos Sights and Sounds tonight.. what WHAAAAAAT!